A Letter To My Boyfriend

Dear Shakespeare,
I refuse to write a gushy, sappy letter. This is me, and I don't do that (often).

So, you and I have been dating for about 2 and a half years now. I need to get one thing straight. I do not want any children. I'm not even sure I want to get married. This may change eventually, but right now, no. I dislike children, and have no desire to be around them. Even if they're my own.

You are not supposed to like me when I am sick, or on my period. When you volunteer to go buy me tampons/medication and rent a movie, you make me suspicious. You will not get more sex out of this behaviour. If this is what you're trying to do, it is a thinly disguised and badly thought out attempt.

Now, not everything you do is bad. When I asked you to come over and bring chocolate (and I asked you over chat) you were there in ten minutes. As Kat said, this (as well as some other things previously mentioned on the blog) got you ALL the boyfriend points. You're marvellous in many respects. You can also sense when I need you. Like tonight, when I was feeling down and you showed up with flowers and cake.

Cake leads me to my next point. You bake, cook and sew. I would probably have starved without you. You appear to be the woman in this relationship. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing (as long as you keep bringing me cookies) but it is interesting.

You are also ever patient with me. When I'm lazy/boring/bored/obsessed with something, you just put up with me, entertain me, laugh at my bad jokes, or help me obsess. This is wonderful, and something I've never had in a boyfriend before, and so, when I get mad at you because I think you're mocking me, thank you for understanding.

Shakespeare, if this 'perfect boyfriend' behaviour does not cease, I may be forced to lose you to another woman. That is not something that I want to happen. So, please, for the sake of our relationship, tone down the perfection.

Love from your ridiculous girlfriend, Katie (in case you weren't sure).

That's NoComedy

Okay, guys, I've been promising you a guest blog. This is number 1, the amazing NoComedy!

Hello, everybody! I'm JM, and today Katie and I have decided to swap blogs! So here I am, posting on her blog, and she's over working some magic on my blog (nocomedy.blogspot.com). 
The topic is public transport, because we all have a little something to say about it, huh? Buses being late, or not even showing up, scary people on the train...you know. Anyway, I want to take some time to put a positive spin on public transport. Thus, I submit to you all:

THINGS I LIKE ABOUT PUBLIC TRANSPORT

- Bus drivers who actually wait for the person running desperately towards the bus as it pulls away from the stop.
- That lady who helped me when I didn't know what bus stop to get off at the first time I caught the bus to a mates place.
- I have to walk ten minutes to my train station. This is a good thing because I like walking 
- Seeing the occasional bus driver dressed as Father Christmas around December.
- Accidentally overhearing interesting conversations.
- That feeling of relief when you get off the bus/train and out into fresh air after you've been stuck sitting next to a heavy smoker.
- Popcorn. I suppose it's not really about public transport, but I have some right now and it's awesome.
- How some buses look like they have faces. I like the smiley buses.
- Standing on the platform in the middle of the articulated buses (or 'tickle buses', as I used to call them when I was little) when the bus goes around a tight corner.

Also there is a bus stop near my house where the seat is angled in such a way that I can't touch the ground with my feet when I'm sitting on it. At first I didn't like it at all, but I've come to like the way that it makes me feel like I'm a little kid again.

And that's all I can think of right now. I'm too distracted by popcorn. Bye! 

JM writes and draws over at That's NoComedy and it would make her happy if you went and visited. Don't you want to make her happy?

What happened last night

Okay, so I read over my drunk blog from last night, and I wanted to clear up some stuff. So, I'm just going to put it here and correct as I go along.

(fixed spelling mistakes will be in brackets)
(Anything I'm clearing up will be underlined &Brackets)
Plain text is what I wrote last night.


*Third glass of wine finished*
Hi. I'm at my parents house and slightly intoxicated. So, with another wine in my hand, I'm going to try this drunk blogging thing that I'v heard so much about. So, here it goes. Don't judge me.

I'm supposed to be doing homework. But I decided just now that University is stupid and I'm going to go be a stripped(stripper). I have a nice body, so it could work. And Shakespeare's not around to tell me to stop being stupid. So I'm calling my university in the morning. I tried calling like 5 seconds ago, but they were shut gor(for) the night.

I got us some guest bloggers. NOCOMEDY AND (I accidentally hit capslock here instead of Shift) fuddlebob. You'll have to wait for them though. I'm also going to gues(guest) blog at Nocomedy.

I'm at my parents because I visit them every Friday or Saturday and stay the night.(I lost my train of thought here, and couldn't think of anything else to say about that, so I changed subject) I had a work party today annd I hate parties. But I had to go, becuase Kathy from HR was leaving, and I was kind of friends with her. So I had to go because otherwise I would have seemed like a bitch. And then everyone would have hated me,(and then I would have been fired), and then I'd be poor, and then I would have money for pizza and alcohol.

Drugs are bad. I just saw one of those drug ads on tv, and I realised that I have never done drugs.(At least there was a segue there) I have also never ridden a horse backwards. I've ridden a horse lots of times, just never backwards. I bet it would be fun. But it would also be scary, beczuse you couldn't tell the horse where to go.

I'm watching Torchwood, and John Barrowman is SEXY. He's on my list of people that if I ever had the chance, I would leave Shakespeare for in a heart beat. The list also includes Matt Smith And Benedict Cumberbatch. I know John Barrowman's gay, but I would totally go lesbian for him (Drunk me, that's not how it works)

I just chipped my nail typing that, and it's all your fault. My brother is here, and he's ruining all my fun. I wanted to go chlimb(climb) the tree in the back yard, and he said 'NO, you're unco anyway. You'll kill yourself.' So I'm going to lay out the blankets and stuff around the botton(bottom) of the tree, so that if I fall, I won't get hurt. See? Even when I'm partially intoxicated I'm brilliant.(No, you're not)

So, anyway, I'm going to go see if there's more wine. I might be back. Probably not. Only if I climb the tree.
*Fourth Glass of wine was finished*Update: Okay, so I totally just climbed the tree. My parents thought I was nuts, but they just told me not to die. And I totally didn't. (I didn't climb the tree. I got about three branches up and decided I was high enough)
*Fifth glass of wine was finished, once I was down from the tree*


I should apologise here. After this, I went on VS chat. So I need to apologise to Fuddlebob and anyone else I spoke to. I believe at one point I was in awe of the fact that Fuddle worked at a school, when in fact I have never wanted to work in a school in my life. Apparently drunk me wants to shape the minds of children everywhere.

Hi guys!

Hi. I'm at my parents house and slightly intoxicated. So, with another wine in my hand, I'm going to try this drunk blogging thing that I'v heard so much about. So, here it goes. Don't judge me.

I'm supposed to be doing homework. But I decided just now that University is stupid and I'm going to go be a stripped. I have a nice body, so it could work. And Shakespeare's not around to tell me to stop being stupid. So I'm calling my university in the morning. I tried calling like 5 seconds ago, but they were shut gor the night.

I got us some guest bloggers. NOCOMEDY AND fuddlebob. You'll have to wait for them though. I'm also going to gues blog at Nocomedy.

I'm at my parents because I visit them every Friday or Saturday and stay the night. I had a work party today annd I hate parties. But I had to go, becuase Kathy from HR was leaving, and I was kind of friends with her. So I had to go because otherwise I would have seemed like a bitch. And then everyone would have hated me, and then I'd be poor, and then I would have money for pizza and alcohol.

Drugs are bad. I just saw one of those drug ads on tv, and I realised that I have never done drugs. I have also never ridden a horse backwards. I've ridden a horse lots of times, just never backwards. I bet it would be fun. But it would also be scary, beczuse you couldn't tell the horse where to go.

I'm watching Torchwood, and John Barrowman is SEXY. He's on my list of people that if I ever had the chance, I would leave Shakespeare for in a heart beat. The list also includes Matt Smith And Benedict Cumberbatch. I know John Barrowman's gay, but I would totally go lesbian for him.

I just chipped my nail typing that, and it's all your fault. My brother is here, and he's ruining all my fun. I wanted to go chlimb the tree in the back yard, and he said 'NO, you're unco anyway. You'll kill yourself.' So I'm going to lay out the blankets and stuff around the botton of the tree, so that if I fall, I won't get hurt. See? Even when I'm partially intoxicated I'm brilliant.

So, anyway, I'm going to go see if there's more wine. I might be back. Probably not. Only if I climb the tree.

Update: Okay, so I totally just climbed the tree. My parents thought I was nuts, but they just told me not to die. And I totally didn't.