Random Beach Conversations

Being around my friends for a long period of time brings out my evil side. I get snarky, sarcastic and cynical. These conversations may not be the best examples of this phenomenon, but they have been my favourites so far.

Number 1

Friend 1: I need dating advice. Katie, you and Shakespeare are happy, right? How do I get a guy like that?

Me: Be awesome? That's how I did it.

Friend 1: No, I mean, where do I find one? Should I go to a club, a bar, a library? I'll try anything.

Me: Michelle, I haven't been single in 2 years. What makes you think I remember where to find guys. Have you tried the local gay bar? I hear there are men there.

Number 2 

Friend 2: I can't believe it's still raining. How am I supposed to get a tan in this weather?

Friend 1: I know. I was really enjoying the sun.

Me: We could always have cocktails. Drink enough of those and you'll totally forget about the weather.

Friend 3: I like that idea. Do we have alcohol?

Friend 2: Probably. But not cocktail stuff. Just wine.

Friend 4: And beer. Don't forget that.

Me: Okay, look. I'm going to protest the rain! Until this rain stops, I am going to watch kids movies. I will not sleep, watch Doctor Who or even leave this loungeroom until the rain stops! Are you with me?

Friend 2: But if you do that, who's going to walk to town and buy vodka?

Number 3:

Friend 4: Oh god. My boyfriend just texted me, telling me he wanted to break up *tears* How can he be so insensitive? Doesn't he know it's my time of the month?

Me: Yes, Charlie. He is psychically linked to your reproductive system.

Number 4:

*Jae has just shown up to see how we're going, and to give me a break from constant girliness*

Friend 2: Oh, that's so romantic!

Me: Get it right, Bree. When Shakespeare does it, it's romantic. When Jae does it, it's stalkery.